Everyday life we all accosiate with either family members, friends, or co-workers and in some cases all of them, but there comes a point in life where we all need to have our own personal space to reflect on our well being.
When it comes to the topic "Personal Space," most of us will readily agree that it is important and stress relieving. Personal space can give us a relaxing time and the space to do whatever we want whenever we want without having the pressure to impress or meet the expectations of others. Personal space can also enhance our abilities and to do our work and / or job right.
After a long day at work, school, or just hanging out a person wants to go home where he/she can feel free and relaxed. And if a person lives with others, he/she should have a room or a place to go to and just be themselves. Three of the articles I found states different ways to furnish a persons home for him/her to have either a relaxing room and / or a playroom. "A spare bedroom can be subdivided with folding screens to make space for more than one family member," says the Realestate.com. In other words, what the article is saying is that if you live in a full house, its best to create your own personal space even if it means using a curtain which is better than having no privacy at all. You would think that having a roommate living with you would make things fun but there comes a point when you get so fed up and frustrated due to lack of privacy and having to meet their expectations. When I was a child I used to think that when I go to college my friends and I are going to live together and go to school together. But as time went by I learned that it'll be frustrating. One example that I learned my lesson from is when my sisters, my little brother, my dad and I moved here (Seattle, WA). It was our first time here in the states and my dads job wasn't paying him enough so we were all cramed up in a small two bedroom apartment. It's fun and everything but there are times when I get done from school and I'm just frustrated and tired but can't seem to get that privacy I want.
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About Me
- J'Bree
- Just another typical island girl trying to get my priorities done.
8 comments:
I'm a little confused on what your topic is- is it that you need personal space or how to create personal space? Also in one part you say
"Three of the articles I found states different ways to furnish a persons home for him/her to have either a relaxing room and / or a playroom. "A spare bedroom can be subdivided with folding screens to make space for more than one family member," says the Realestate.com
but then you give 1 example then go on about a diffrent subject.
It's a great start!
The essay flows well and keeps the reader interested. You did a good job of explaining the importance of personal space but I couldn't find a major problem or an opposition to personal space. The last paragraph is very interesting but is clifhangered at the end, so you may want to finish that story with an ending. Well written!
Its confusing to me what you are arguing, I think you need more of what They say in it and the source should be more legit. Your essay is very interesting and so is your topic, good job on that.
I think your argument needs to be more clear and concise, but I do like your thesis statement and topic.
I had a hard time figuring out what your topic was. I thought it was moving out, but some of the descriptions you used conflicted with that analogy. It made it seem more like the joys of living on your own. I can't discredit the essay, but where is the they say going to come into play? The only thing I would advise you to do is to do some further research on what the thesis is going to be. Good start
When you wrote: "A spare bedroom can be subdivided with folding screens to make space for more than one family member," says the Realestate.com...You might want to find the actual author of that quote. And change the word "says" to quote or according to...but everything else went smooth. Good job.
although the 1st 4 sentences attract my attention the subject. I am not sure what your argument is.
There is too much reference to the reader here: us, we, you...You are assuming knowledge of the readers experience which renders this incredibly general.
What is the argument (that personal space is important?)? Where is the research? At this point, this is just a personal narrative -- and that is not what the focus of the essay should be. It is also not listing/ reporting.
There is no mention of cultural impact here, and that is essential to this piece.
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